Meeting someone from another country for the first time
Meeting someone from another country is exciting. It also comes with questions that chat can’t answer. How are they around other people? What does their day look like? Are they really the person you have been messaging for weeks? Finding out usually means a long and expensive trip, and that is a big decision to make on messages alone.
Here is how to get to know someone properly before you meet, how to spot a profile that isn’t what it seems, and how to plan the first meeting.
What chat doesn’t show you
Messages are written at the right moment, with time to think. Photos are chosen. Even a video call from the sofa shows only a small part of someone. What you don’t see is how they are out in the world: in a busy street, ordering a coffee, talking to a friend they run into.
How to know if someone online is real
Most people you meet online are exactly who they say they are. But it is worth knowing the warning signs:
- They avoid video. There is always a reason: a broken camera, bad signal, a busy week.
- Their story keeps shifting. Jobs, places and dates don’t quite add up.
- It moves very fast. Big declarations of love after a few days, or pressure to leave the app for another chat.
- Money comes up. A sudden emergency, a ticket, a fee, an investment. This is the clearest sign of all.
Never send money to someone you have only met online, however good the reason sounds. On fondly, you can report or block anyone from their profile at any time.
What a live date shows you
On fondly, your match goes on a real date in their own city and you join live by video. You walk through their neighbourhood, sit at their favourite café, or wander a market with them. You see how they move through their day, how they treat the people around them, and how the two of you talk when there is something to share.
It is very hard to fake a real life, live, in a real place. That is what makes these dates so useful before a trip.
Before you book the flight
- Go on a few dates in different places: somewhere quiet, somewhere busy, daytime and evening.
- Notice how the conversation feels when you are not just asking questions.
- Talk about the practical things: time zones, languages, and how you would each like to meet.
- Take your time. A trip is easier to plan when you already know each other.
Planning the first meeting
- Meet in public for the first time, and have your own place to stay.
- Tell a friend where you are going and when, and share your plans.
- Keep your own way home: your own return ticket and some money set aside.
- Keep expectations gentle. Even when you know each other well, meeting in person takes a moment to get used to.
Keep getting to know each other
Need ideas for your next dates? Try our long distance date ideas, or our tips for dating across time zones. For the first conversations, see our video date conversation starters.
Long distance dating will always take a leap of faith. Live dates make it a smaller one.
